12. Vigilantism

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya? Punk.

You'd be hardpressed to find a backyard in America that doesn't have the decaying remains of someone who's wronged a white person rolled up inside an old rug, or cut to pieces inside a rusty drum buried somewhere on their property.

What were they supposed to do? Let the courts handle it? Pshaw.

The father of Vigilantism is the actor, Charles Bronson. In the Deathwish Pentology he proved you can't go around raping someone's family and get away with it. You can't sell someone tainted smack or shit on someone's lawn, either. Sometimes, you need to exact your own form of justice, even if you are just an architect.

Do you believe in Jesus? Good. Because you're going to meet Him. BANG!

In 1984, some "people" approached Bernard Goetz (pictured) on the subway. Instead of forking over whatever the thugs demanded. Probably directions to Grand Central Station or something. He shot all four and then fled the scene. White people loved him for it. Still, the state of New York just had to press charges. Criminal Possession of a Weapon in the Third Degree, six months in jail, one year psychiatric treatment, five years' probation, 200 hours community service, and a fine of $5,000. They all survived. I don't know what the big deal was!

Anyway, some white people will be happy to know Vigilantism is making a comeback, as the success of television shows like Dexter prove far "beyond a reasonable doubt." So watch out, bitches.

No, I don't have the time. BANG! No, you can't date my daughter. Ever. BANG! Can you tell me--BANG! Whoops. Sorry.