Thursday, April 17, 2008

14. The Dickey

Who once wore part of a shirt? White people, that's who.

For rather murky reasons, white people were unable to bring themselves to wear a complete turtleneck under their sweaters, and thus was born ... the Dickey.

The Dickey (or Dicky, for short) is an article of clothing made to look like the front or collar of a shirt, blouse, vest, etc., worn as a separate piece under another garment, as a jacket or dress.

The Dickey is yet another example of why white people cannot be trusted with fashion.

The following is from a website that currently still sells Dickeys in the awkward hope that white people are still living in the past (Which many are ... all you need to do is visit Youngstown, Ohio to verify this fact.)

"No matter how you spell it, dickeys are practical and comfortable in the summer and winter. They keep a cold draft from blowing down your neck, and they keep that itchy sweater away from your face. If you suddenly find yourself too warm, they are easy to remove. Use them to accent your skin tones."

Now, only a white person could possibly write such utter nonsense. And only white people can even appreciate what those words in that particular order mean. You show this to an Asian person, and prepare to be punched in the throat, my friend.

Accent my skin tones? We're white people for Christmas sakes, we have no skin tones!

The Dickey, for better or worse, has been immortalized by Randy Quaid in the white-person film extravaganza Christmas Vacation, which maintains the curious distinction of featuring the most white people in one scene for longer than four-and-a-half minutes. Go ahead and Google that while you contemplate the abomination that was once the Dickey.

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