Thursday, June 17, 2010

27. British Petroleum

British Petroleum used to embody everything white people were looking for in a gas station — mostly gas, but also an automatic car wash with patented “brushless” technology, cigarettes, 64-oz Slushees®, beef jerky, imagined English accents, and more.

But when white people finally caught wind of what was happening in the gulf with that “oil leak disaster thingy,” they chose to express their “outrage” the only way they knew how — gassing up at the Shell station right across the street. White people would teach those bastards a thing or two about corporate responsibility, they said, calling for a complete, total boycott — unless the Shell’s Minimart was out of a specific kind of cigarette or scratch-off lottery ticket.

As a result of white peoples’ tireless activism, so far, BP’s worldwide profit margin is down .0000000002 percent. That’ll learn them.

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