Tuesday, June 24, 2008

20. Corey Haim and/or Feldman

If you were a teen-aged male Hollywood actor in 1987, chances are your name was Corey. And chances are, you were a total douchebag.

But as white people have historically shown, they can't get enough of douchebag versions of themselves. (See Stuff White People Used to Like #9.)

The dynamic duo of doucheyness first appeared together in the 1987 Too-cool-vampires-in-Orange County smash The Lost Boys alongside other white people like Keifer Sutherland and Jason Patric. The two were then given their opportunity to shine in 1988's teen comedy License to Drive with a young white girl named Heather Graham. Separately, Feldman often appeared live with a young white girl named Michael Jackson.

The duo quickly lost their luster, and in rote Hollywood fashion fell victim to alcoholism and drug use. White people collectively yawned, then quickly abandoned The Two Coreys as they grew from cute teen boys into hideous, pasty no-talent white adults.

Nearly 14 years after their disappearance, they now appear in A&E's originally titled "The Two Coreys", a reality show based on their exploits as pasty no-talent white adults with "issues."

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